nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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