Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
