is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
