I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
