Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
