Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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