hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
