SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
