in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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