My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
