i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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