3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
