I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Farmville is her only friend.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
