remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Randomize
