i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
