as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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