I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
