I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
