I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
operation harelip BJ is a go
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
