Need sex. Gaining weight.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
