SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
