the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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