i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
