It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
