I met the friendliest cop last night
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
