she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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