I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
