Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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