it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
