Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
