I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
