yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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