i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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