Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
