I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
