You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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