Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
