I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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