Buhtt sex?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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