Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
