You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
