That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
