I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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