I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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