Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
