I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
