no, he came in my armpit
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
