do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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