I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
