It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
