If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
