I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
