You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
